Saturday, 4 February 2012

Of Errors and Airports

How do errors happen when we are all so smart? My ticket was booked from Toronto to Regina without consideration of how I was going to get to Toronto! So I arrived early for the Toronto departure!! Except that I was in Ottawa. And not early enough to get an Ottawa-Toronto connection. Bill and I both reviewed the ticket last night!

There are worse things and hey, my life is pretty complicated and this is the first time for this.

What's the worst thing about sitting in an airport lounge for six hours?

The endless one-half conversations invariably at stage-level decibel? Does everyone think that we should all hear their telephone conversations? “Well, if you buy the blue one.....” “The Pittsberg Penguinshad a fantastic play.....” “George will be very tight-lipped about plans.....but when we all meet....”

Right now I am listening to a guy who is ordering steaks to cook for his dinner party tonight and I, and the entire lounge, know that he wants them very lightly “marbled”. He ended the conversation with “you know that I'm going to chop them all into bitesize pieces, don't you?” What?

I could be driven crazy wondering about the other half of the conversation.  What is he going to do with his steaks?  "Blue" what?

The two sided conversations that can be a) inane - “F***, I don't have my mascara in my purse”......leading to an on-going discussion about types of and a new brand on the market – actually, this conversation met two annoying criteria because, besides being vacuous, it was also punctuated with lots of s**t and f**k b) border on the politically incorrect – comments on the headlines about transgendered people having babies, 
c) loud comments on the news which assume that all and everyone within hearing distance - entire lounge - shares the political views of the speaker – usually somewhat right of centre, after all, this is a business lounge.....”We should shoot them all (Syria)” (I kid you not!) d) statements that are so patently wrong that I'd like a muzzle (that isn't a type of gun)  "In order to prevent weight gain, never eat beans, salad dressing or any kind of bread".

Now, both of these aforementioned problems can be partially – depending upon loudness and provided that I really don't want to listen to the news - solved by wearing of headsets.

But the only beer on tap in the lounge is dark?

I'm tired and no place to nap?  Sleep is impossible because of the irregular announcements of flight delays over the intercom – even though these are far less frequent than in the rest of the airport – they are definitely meant to grab attention. “Passenger Drummond, Passenger Drummond, please proceed immediately to your gate” almost activated my startle reflex (those who know my reflex would realize what a scene it would generate).

The attendants who scoop up my cups and don't let me recycle them?  Just annoying.

The lack of exercise? – I need a little privacy to lie down on the floor – not quite ready to lead a yoga class here.

No, the worst thing is that going to pee involves loading up all of my carryon goodies and taking them with me to the micro-closet in which the toilet sits.  This also involves recognizing that the urge will come upon me with sufficient time to perform the collection.  Of course, that is standard for travelling solo which I do quite a bit but, usually there is only short periods of time between flights. When given enough time, I tend to “messout” – book, glasses, newspaper, change purse, cup, headset, scarf, folder (thought erroneously that I might try to get some work done) and so on. The size of this flotsum depends upon whether I have a briefcase or a suitcase and this time I have a suitcase with my briefcase inside of it!

(Now I wonder whether “flotsum” can be used by itself – I have far too much time on my hands.)